Photo: Bruce
I just wish the story had a better ending.
Not because I wish I would have gotten the girl. I’m happily engaged, so it’s not a story of long lost or unrequited love. On principle, I just wish my tactic had worked. Well, it did work, actually, but the end result was not quite what I had in mind.
This is the story of “Hotdog Girl.”
It was my last year of college and I was living in a shithole apartment with three roommates. The kind of place that dots the streets of most large university campuses – perfect for students who can’t afford much and landlords who want to do even less. Shortly after moving into said fire-trap, my roommates and I were having a few beers on our slanted balcony.
That’s when we noticed the super hot girl next door. I won’t go into too much detail because, like I said, I’m engaged and there is a good chance my fiancée is reading right now. Let’s just say she was the kind of hot that transcends “types.” This girl was everyone’s type. We all stopped talking and gaped in the subtle way that only 23 year-old college guys, four or five beers into the night, can stare.
Over the next few months, several times per week someone would stick their head in from the balcony and announce, “Hey! The hot neighbor girl is out walking her dog.” or “The hot girl with the dog is out.” Eventually she just became, “Hotdog Girl.”
Needless to say, I very much wanted to talk to Hotdog Girl. Trouble was, I was not very good at approaching random girls. I’m a fairly outgoing guy and was ok talking to girls in general. But just walking up and talking to a girl cold? Nope, never really excelled there. I needed an “in” – some commonality I could lean on through the first few conversations. So, I decided to employ my adorable, fairly overweight, very slow (sadly, I mean slow mentally and physically), geriatric family dog, Sammy.
Sammy was a 14 year old, 85-ish-pound, yellow lab who didn’t get around very well but could melt your heart with one goofy look. I figured I could borrow Sam from my parents, time her walks with when Hotdog Girl was walking her dog, and the “Oh, you love dogs too?” conversation would pretty much start itself.
So next time I was back home, I loaded poor Sammy into the car, hauled her 60 miles to Madison, and carried her 85-ish-pounds up the stairs of our hellhole apartment. Over the next few days I carefully monitored (I don’t like to use the word “stalk”) the area for when Hotdog Girl walked her dog. When I finally saw her stride outside with her dog one evening, I quickly woke up Sammy (remember Yellow Dog from Funny Farm? Yeah, that was Sam – she slept and just laid around), carried her by-now annoyed 85-ish-pounds down the stairs, and ambled the two of us over near Hotdog Girl. I was nervous, but I had my “in”, so I struck up a conversation. This happened several times over the next few months, but my “in” never really solved my nerves, and I never ended up asking out Hotdog Girl. (Yeah, I feel like a complete pansy now)
OK – so how the hell does this relate to a job search? This is a networking lesson, pure and simple. Identify the type of job you want, the company you want to work for, and the people that can help you. Then identify how you can get “in” with those people or companies. This is what spies and good sales people do all the time (here’s an example where spycraft helped me get a job). They identify ways to form relationships with people who have what they want, and the good ones pull it off in creative fashion.
(If you liked that last link and you want a great book on the CIA/spycraft – here’s an affiliate link to Robert Baer’s See No Evil – best espionage book I’ve ever read, easily. You’ll fly through it.)
In my case, I really wanted to talk to a hot girl but needed an “in” to do so (or at least I thought I did). Rather than accept that limitation, imagined or otherwise, I looked for a way to get to know Hotdog Girl by leveraging a common interest. Say you’re looking to break into the advertising world but don’t have any experience or friends in that industry. Go make some. I went to a happy hour in Chicago the other day that was literally ALL ad agency people. They all go to the same bar, at the same time, every week after their volleyball league. An enterprising job hunter, looking for an “in” to the ad world would make that his or her hangout. And he or she would make friends there.
In retrospect, I feel pretty bad things didn’t work out for me and Hotdog Girl. Not because she was, well, Hotdog Girl, or because I dragged my old, fat, adorable dog up and down the stairs of my ghetto-ass apartment. The only reason I have regret is because the idea worked, I just didn’t follow through. For you job hunters and wannabe spies, identify and then use creative networking to meet the right people. Find a common link and use it to break in. Be bold, be creative, and follow through – turn those meetings into relationships. If you stop short in your outreach, you’ll never get anywhere. But if you’re creative and follow through, you’re story could have a much better ending.
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